


Progress

by alwaysemmerdale



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Mental Breakdown, Suicidal Thoughts, more like hopeful ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-08-24 12:14:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8371933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alwaysemmerdale/pseuds/alwaysemmerdale
Summary: In which Kavinsky is given the ending I think he deserved. Maybe Kavinsky reached out. Maybe Kavinsky saved himself. Or what I wish had happened in The Dream Thieves.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So I have a lot of love for Kavinsky and I think he deserved better. Obviously his character and story don't belong to me!!

Kavinsky couldn't remember the last time he'd gone to school. In fact, his drug addled brain couldn't quite remember anything, which was the point of course. In his mind a plan had formed, something disastrous and desperate, a reflection of himself, he thought.

_He would get Ronan back... He just needed his attention... He needed Ronan's brother... There would be one last battle... He'd win or lose... It didn't really matter which... At least he'd go out with a bang..._

As Kavinsky's jumbled thoughts became a fully fledged plan, warring emotions threatened to split his chest open. There was a sort of hysteria as he pictured the scene: one last firework, one last explosion, and Ronan... Ronan choosing him? Saving him?  
Beneath that there was a cruel emotion, a mocking one: hope. It flew around his chest, in amongst the despair and the dread, and told him that maybe Ronan would come back. Or maybe he didn't need Ronan? Maybe this wouldn't end in blood and fire and death.  
Finally, there was something else. Conscience? Sense? Whatever it was, it whispered in his ear, in his brain, to his heart. It told him to stop. To think. This didn't have to be the end, it said, you could be OK.

So Kavinsky finished the vodka and picked up his phone. He could set his plan in motion. It would be epic. He'd never be forgotten. He'd be a legend.

Kavinsky couldn't remember the last time he'd gone to school. But he could remember one of his first days at Aglionby. A new school, another new place. He'd already made a name for himself: snarky comments and firecrackers on the playing fields had certified him as dangerous, untouchable. Most of the teachers had taken one look at him and dismissed him, his dark eyes and sharp smile repelling any attempts to engage him. Word had spread, teachers had tutted, and Kavinsky had loved it. However, there was an exception. The school shrink of all people. The school shrink had taken one look at him as he skulked around the corridors before pressing her card into his hand and saying with a soft smile,  
"Pop by any time you want to talk, Joseph." So she'd seen right through him. Bloody typical.   
He'd laughed in her face at the time, he'd laughed and said, "thanks, but you're a bit too old for me". Clever. Witty. Or so he'd thought. She'd just looked at him, with something dangerously close to understanding in her eyes, before retreating back into her office.

Kavinsky couldn't remember the last time he'd gone to school. But he could remember where he'd put that card. He could remember tucking it in a drawer. He could remember trying not to think about what he was doing. Making excuses to himself as he tried to deny that maybe one day he'd try to save himself. Maybe one day he'd be strong enough.

Kavinsky couldn't remember the last time he'd gone to school. He could remember the first time he'd seen Ronan Lynch in the corridors though. He could remember how Ronan had looked just as out of place as Kavinsky felt. The threat in his eyes, the glint of danger that felt like looking in a mirror. Kavinsky remembered feeling that treacherous flutter of hope. Maybe he wasn't alone after all. Maybe Ronan would save him.

Kavinsky couldn't remember the last time he'd gone to school. But he could remember what Ronan had said. _It was never gonna be you and me._  He could remember thinking that if he had a heart it would be broken. He remembered admitting to himself that he did have a heart. And it was broken.

Kavinsky couldn't remember the last time he'd gone to school. But Kavinsky could remember Ronan. He could also remember the school shrink.

Kavinsky couldn't remember the last time he'd gone to school. He couldn't remember the last time he'd left his room. He couldn't see himself ever going to school again. No one had checked in on him. The future seemed to be for other people. Not for him. 

So he picked up his phone. He tried to move. It was difficult. There was drugs in his system. And alcohol. And despair. He tried to move.

The card was still in his drawer. He tried to read the numbers. Everything was blurred.

He waited as the phone rang. _If she doesn't pick up it's a sign_... _If_   _she doesn't pick up then I set the plan in motion_. One last firework.

She picked up on the second ring. Kavinsky didn't know what to say. He forced himself to think. Think of the future. _Joe_  he said to himself, calling himself the name he hadn't heard in so long. Trying to ground himself.

The shrink waited on the end of the phone as Kavinsky slurred, "I'm about to do something really stupid".

She sent an ambulance. She knew he was in a bad way. She waited at his bedside until he woke up. She said he was brave. She promised she could help him.  

And she did. Rehab was hard. Counselling was hard. Carrying on was so hard. But he did.

Maybe it was a year later when he saw Ronan again. Ronan looked different. Still snarky and dangerous but less angry. Less like a bomb waiting to go off. Kavinsky knew that Ronan and Adam were together now. He would like to say that he was happy for them, and he was working on it, but he was trying to avoid lying to himself. He'd learnt a lot from therapy. He was still learning. He resented their happy ending: Adam at some Ivy League college and Ronan at one with the earth working on his farm. It was sickly sweet, like a movie, and Kavinsky sneered at it. He didn't take drugs anymore. He hadn't had a drink in months. He was a work in progress. But he could still be an asshole. He was still bitter. And jealous. He was still human. He was still Kavinsky.

"Mornin farmer!", he'd shouted across the street in his best southern accent. He watched as annoyance flickered over Ronan's face, followed by shock that turned him deathly pale when he realised who the words had come from. Kavinsky knew that since his disappearance on the Fourth of July last year crazy rumours had circulated around Henrietta, and he'd done nothing to stop them. Some said he'd simply moved on. Others thought he'd been murdered by rival mobsters or even his father. It was argued at one point that he was an undercover police officer. And an escaped convict. And part of the witness protection program. And a fleeing prince from some war torn country. Kavinsky wondered what Ronan believed. He supposed it didn't matter.

"You still look like trash!", Ronan had shouted back after a long pause, and Kavinsky had let out a wild laugh. He was only back in Henrietta to pack up his last few things before he started at college. It wasn't Yale and he wasn't Adam but he was going to study art. He was going to paint and sculpt and draw beautiful things. Admittedly, he hadn't changed his look since getting clean and beginning to sort his head out. He was in his trademark white vest, sunglasses pushed into his hair, with his gold chain glinting around his neck. He was still Kavinsky.

He hadn't planned on seeing Ronan, but he was glad for the closure.

"Good luck Lynch," he'd yelled back, "maybe someday you can race me in your tractor, like old times". Then he walked away without a backward glance. Henrietta wasn't home, it never had been. He left a dumbfounded looking Ronan frozen on the roadside, wondering whether he'd just seen a ghost.

Kavinsky laughed all the way back to his car. He laughed as he left Henreitta. Maybe the future could be for him after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading- I haven't read the books in a while so if I've made any mistakes please let me know! X
> 
> If you want to scream about Kavinsky with me on tumblr it's alwaysemmerdale


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